September 3, 2013
“Where are you from?” This question is common enough for people who travel outside their native lands. As an Indian immigrant to the US, it was easy for me to answer this question with “I am originally from India”. There are enough immigrants in the US from enough countries that the explanation goes down okay. But now that we are stationed in China, things are more complicated. My first answer to this question is, “I am from the US”. This is met with a confused look and a glinting, questioning stare. On cue, I immediately follow up with, “But I am originally from India.” This is when the questioner’s face relaxes and a comforted smile breaks out.
Of course, “from the US” is more acceptable. I wouldn’t dare say, “I am American.” In China, Americans are white people with American accents. Or maybe some Black or Hispanic people with American accents. Certainly not Asians like me, Indian-looking people with Indian accents. We must stay in our respective Asian boxes, or we are seen as hiding the truth behind an American flag. So the follow-up explanation is a must. And once declared, THAT’S the box we belong in.
In China, I am Indian once again.
“You must put up an Indian table for International Day!”, a German friend tells me. “Sure…”, I say thoughtfully, “I suppose I could.”
I am torn. The International Day being discussed is an event at my daughter’s school. This school in Beijing has a student body from more than 50 countries. We are at a Parent Association meeting and I don’t see any other Indians in the room. I suppose I am as close to an Indian we’ve got, and I could do the honors. But would that be fair to my daughter, considering this is her school? America is the only home she’s ever known. Sometimes when she is upset, she says, “Let’s go home, mama” and that home to her is Virginia, USA.
Would it be confusing for her if her mother identified as an Indian at her school’s International Day? And, more so, if I identified HER as an Indian at the International Day? I must confess, I already bought a dress for her during my trip to India for this day — a pretty Indian dress in her favorite color, purple, with matching Punjabi shoes in purple and gold. In an American school, that would have been fun — to introduce her classmates to a cultural heritage that she is clearly a part of. But was that lazy thinking on my part? As an American among foreigners that already disregard her rightful claim to her homeland, I can’t help but wonder if I am making a mistake by putting her in the wrong box. Maybe I should tie a bandana on her head using an American flag as an accessory to that Indian dress! Or maybe, I really should forget about her heritage and dress her up as an American — a cheerleader or a track athlete in US colors perhaps.
What is the best approach to keep my daughter secure in her identity, I wonder. I am not sure I know the answer. Living among fellow-expats, I see situations that are more complicated than ours. There are kids being brought up in China by spouses from two different countries. Many kids were born here and have never lived in either parent’s country. Then there kids who have been adopted from China that are now living in China as foreigners! Their parents probably struggle with similar questions. What is the best way to give these children a sense of national identity, a sense of where home is? Or, are we raising a group of Babies Without Borders?
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September 14, 2013
Got a wonderful response to this blog post, in pictures, from the same German friend mentioned above. Her two boys have a German mother, an Indian father, and are now American citizens. These are pictures of one of her sons’ shirt from International Day last year. (Artwork on shirt courtesy an American friend of theirs)
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November 25, 2013
Just a few days after my post on a popular Beijing mamas forum, someone else also posted an insightful article on the same forum on Third Culture Kids (TCKs) — a term I wasn’t even familiar with when I wrote my blog post. Excerpt: As you can imagine, there are some trends with TCKs that contrast to the rest of the general population… Ironically, despite having lived in more places than most of their peers – most if not all of whom would be single-cultured people – they are the most likely to lack a sense of “home.” Interesting? You can read more here: Link to article
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Categories: Expat in Beijing